December

How a Person Named Skeeter Turned a Room into a Community

Durham Housing Authority’s Preiss-Steele provides 82 affordable apartments for low-income older citizens. Gretchen “Skeeter” Schlager has been living in Preiss-Steele since 2012. Over the years, she–and as she’s quick to say, with the help of many–was able to convert a dark and dreary “living room” into a welcoming, thriving, communal space with coffee, games, puzzles, food, and donated goods – all in a brightly painted atmosphere.

Aging Well Durham (AWD) found this story relevant to the overall goal of the Durham Comprehensive Aging Plan’s Social Participation domain which is “expanding opportunities for individuals to connect around common interests.”

While Gretchen Schlager is clearly an exceptional person, AWD believes this model could happen in
other Durham shared spaces. AWD had the opportunity to talk with Ms. Schlager, who goes by either “Skeeter” or Gretchen, at the community room. The conversation was joined by Sister Jean Bey, a tenant and “partner in crime” as they call one another.

How did this begin?

This room actually has a long history. When the building was built, this (the community space) was actually classified as a living room. When I first moved here in 2012, it had carpet, it had cable TV, leather furniture. It had pictures of Preiss and Steele. There were books and things over there also. (Much of what had been there “disappeared,” when a lock broke, according to Ms. Schlager. She also noted that during one of the renovations, she was able to save all the books by packing them up and keeping them until the tenants were moved back in.)

I had recently moved there, a year before. So I owned a bed and I had two cats, and that was about all. A pot and pan. But I had these great big, huge moving boxes I was allowed to fill. So I filled them with all the books. And I just moved, I made housing move them all. I never emptied them out. And they moved them right back here.

These books are years of people who have lived here, donating them. It’s such a weird variety of books that we have. Then all the movies came from my apartment. I have 200 or more up there. I have two VHS tape TVs. You can play anytime. There’s earphones if people want to watch movies. And if there’s a power outage, I have a little generator. I’ll just hook it up.

You’ve thought of everything.

We all think of everything. We kid around about the Preiss-Steele apocalypse team. We have a security team. This is all joking, but if, you know, when we do have power outages or food shortages or something – everybody pitches in. Everything in this room, every single thing was donated.

Where did you get the idea? What happened?

When we came back from the renovation…This room was interesting. For one thing, a lot of spaces that are now locked were not locked. Okay. Everything was open. They locked things up sort of permanently after COVID. And they did not unlock them. And I was furious. Because all our common spaces were never unlocked again. Our cafeteria was locked.

A gentleman working for Duke wound up with grant money, so he got up with another resident and myself to have coffee hours once a month. And we were utilizing this room. I got permission to get it unlocked, keep in mind, it’s locked. Once a month.

Me being a coffee fanatic and a book freak, I thought, you know what? We need to have coffee in here every single day. I’ll be honest with you, it was a solid two year struggle. It was a nightmare. We had several managers. I wrote to them and sent copies of emails to everybody. “Please unlock this on a daily basis.” And the answer was always no. “If you want the library unlocked, you must reserve it.” At first, I reserved it. Every single day. And they were angry. Then I would reserve it for like a week at a time.

I called the police department and fire department and I said, I’m a resident. I said, if I set up coffee in the lobby, is that against the fire code? Is it illegal? And they were like, “Nope. You’re a resident there. You know, you can use the outlet as long as you’re not blocking any egress.” Okay.

What made you think of that? That’s very determined.

I guess I get an idea. (Sister Jean interjects, “She’s like a dog with a bone.”) So I set up coffee on my little cart in the hall. And, it was, I don’t know, 2023, at the time. So I put blasting on my phone, “We shall overcome.”

Finally one of the managers said, “I don’t want you in the lobby here, why don’t you just go in there?” I was like, “In the library?” And she said, “Yes, you’re driving me crazy.” “That’s all I’m asking for.” But the library still was not unlocked, though, daily.

Jean was actually the one that got it opened. A resident who was a keyholder was walking by that door and Jean goes, “Hey! What do you think about opening the library every day?” And he said, “Well, there’s nobody to tell me no.” It just happened like that.

So when the next manager came in, the library was being opened every day. From there it just took off. People started donating tables and tablecloths and all these decorations. Yeah, the residents. (She points to some framed art on the walls) Those are puzzles. The residents and Sister Jean put them together and framed them so we can put them on the wall. She’s a craft person. She comes in and does it.

You know, we are a senior slash disabled community. We are now into the “I don’t want to leave my apartment because I hurt like a son of a bitch.” So this, right now, it’s dark. The days are getting shorter. It’s rainy. It’s a hard crowd.

Social isolation is a big problem. What was the response to the opening of this space? Was there a trickle or were people enthusiastic?

When those doors are open, people come in, people like to know what’s going on in the world. You know, we’re older. We’re porch people. We like to go out on the porch and see who’s in the yard and what’s happening in the neighborhood.

So when those doors are open, people will come in here or they would go by to get on the elevators, and they would also come in those doors and (She points to a comfy chair in the corner next to the doors) that chair has been utilized more than…That’s the catcher. That’s the chair. People come in. They sit here to rest and usually I’m over in the kitchen. (There is a small food prep area) Which we got out of the dumpster.

Got the table out of the dumpster, the floor’s flooring over there from a MacGyver project. And all the stuff on the “Free” table is from residents cleaning out their apartments. That’s also a dumpster table.

Nice café table.

The chairs were donated by a resident. Those are pallets (where movies are lined up, in painted pallets) with the movies on them. A Christmas tree by where the coffee’s locked up. There was a gentleman here who had a dog he loved dearly, and the dog finally passed – Miss Daisy. Miss Daisy’s dog cage (is there in the corner). He was going to throw it out. I need to lock stuff up in here, but there’s no place. It’s all open, so we just lock up the coffee and the paper towels and all that’s right beside Daisy’s old cage.

We’d sit and play Scrabble. Which we make up. We make up our own rules, Sister Jean and I. Scrabble, everybody dogged us for, but they look over our shoulders and say, oh, there’s a word. Those are the things that bring people together.

How does this space impact community?

It makes community. It makes community. The spectrum of personalities, talents, education that exists in this building is just phenomenal. We have got PhD recipients here. We have had people who have been in prison for long stretches. We also have carpenters. We have former prison guards. We have a lot of military, ex-military, male and female. I’m here every day. Nine to five Monday through Friday. In my little corner a lot of time.

(Sister Jeans says, “She’s the one that gets up when one of the residents whose chair is rolling over his foot and he wants coffee. She gets up. He says, okay, I’m gonna go sit outside and she goes and she takes his coffee outside. She’s the one who gets the packages and will go upstairs. She’s the heart and soul of it.”)

Yeah. But I can’t do it without you, though. I’m lost. You know. I think we both have our skill set.

December’s Friend and Neighbor is the Rev. Dr. Pauli Murray, an iconoclast and barrier breaker. Pauli Murray has more “firsts” under their belt than a bus full of the rest of us. A truly historic, take-no-guff, civil rights activist, s/he continues to inspire and shine a light.

This is from the Pauli Murray Center website:

“The Rev. Dr. Pauli Murray was a twentieth-century human rights activist, legal scholar, author, labor organizer, poet, Episcopal priest, multiracial Black, LGBTQ+ Durhamite who lived one of the most remarkable lives of the 20th century. S/he was the first Black person to earn a JSD (Doctor of the Science of Law) degree from Yale Law School, a founder of the National Organization for Women and the first Black person perceived as a woman to be ordained an Episcopal priest.”

Kristin Hauser, the communications and programming coordinator for the Pauli Murray Center shared the Center’s desire for people to visit, and included some alarming statistics about historic spaces.

“Thanks so much for reaching out and for featuring Pauli in your newsletter! We’d love to encourage folks to visit Pauli Murray’s childhood home and our inaugural exhibit. As a national historic site, we are part of just 4% of historic spaces that focus on the experience of women and 3% to the experience of African Americans, so it’s incredible to have this space here in Durham. We don’t have ‘standard’ open hours, but are open for tours and events throughout the week (including most Wednesdays and a few Saturdays per month).”

To reach the Center, and read more about the Rev. Dr. Pauli Murray, click this sentence.

The photo is from the Paul Murray Center for History and Social Justice home web page.